Suddenly, some balance somewhere
Shifted.
The stilling air of afternoon
has filled with swarms of gnats
And the swifts, gone for so long
Diving now and climbing
swooping in their zigzag flight
Appeared as from a secret niche
Hidden in some silent fold
In time and space
Called by a faint note, unheard
To eat their fill and then return
How quickly the balance scale can tip
And the unexpected be what is.
Soon neither swarming gnats nor swooping birds
Are seen
And the empty air of afternoon
Has changed its light
To suit the movement
Of the clouds
And the rhythm of the stream.
North Cape Webcam
As I clean up from our dinner
here in a small village in France
Walter tells me
There are eight people
watching North Cape, Norway’s webcam
at this moment.
And he is one.
I go to see what it’s like
In the northernmost fishing village in the world
Where the dark nights of September have come
and the streetlights on the edge of the harbor
Make undulating rivers of gold in the water.
I am captivated
And It is as quiet as an ancient fishing village would be
After the sun goes down.
There are no lights on in the houses
Everyone in them has gone to sleep.
But a big white van pulls out and drives down the road
out of the picture
Its lights for a moment
Reflected in a window.
And then again
Quiet.
I want to see the faces of the
other people
watching this peace with me.
First seven and
then four more who have joined us.
I want to see their eyes, watching calmly
while I feel our heartbeats slowing
and hear our breath going in and out
In bodies that all have lungs
And brains, and hearts to beat.
We would not talk,
Even if we could
We would just nod to each other
In kind recognition
Of what it is that drew us here
And captured us.
The love that peace brings
would be carried by the waves of light
Weightless
Like the golden rivers on the water
of a dark harbor.
Summer Evening in a French Garden
How is it we got to talking,
As we sat out the light
Of a summer evening,
About fireflies?
How they danced in the air
Of our childhood
Making little holes of light
All around in our soul
That now dance as we watch them
In the vast darkness of our minds
Together in the growing dusk
Of the garden?
And that they’re different from
The glowworms of France
Whose little fires sit in ditches
And, in such stillness, signal mates.
No children run
and scoop these into jars
to make those lanterns that will shine
and glitter in the darkness
Of the sleep-night by their beds
Or do they,
The children in France?
The Weight of Rain
Blades of grass
bow under the weight
Of so many drops of rain.
The pores of all plants are open
Drinking those molecules made
In the dust of some long-gone stars
billions of years ago.
Those blades of grass do what they do
In the presence of sun and of wind
Anticipation of the moment to come
Is built in each vibrating cell
No choice to turn this way or that
No planning of any kind
Except that which was arranged by the atoms
Contained in the seed
From which their whole being has sprung.
Rest now. Unfold all your senses
The sun, the wind and the rain
know no tenses
They listen to no weather report
Plants will live or they’ll die
At the moment the sky
Gives them water or heat
That’s just right
or is suddenly
too much to bear.
Do not wait
With each breath
To know what comes next
Breathe the air
Breathe the air
Breathe the air.
At the Top
There are those who are focused on summits of things
The very highest points they can find.
They must somehow get to the top
No matter how hard the grind.
But in my mind (and my heart)
There is only the urge
To glide without weight to the start
Of that place where the surge
Of the light
Fills every last cell
With delight
And joy is as open as the vast June sky
Where, weightless,
The body takes flight.
Wind
The wind blows hair
Across my face
as I walk the country road
And in its trace
There is no self
But that self which I have known
Since wind first
sent those strands
To dance across
The the blank screen of my mind
And set some delimiter
Of space and time
In vastness undefined.
The who that sees
This dance
Is neither young nor old.
This who has no containment,
No set of aching bones
No heavy worries,
No sorrows in a storm
No glances set askance
To see some form
That blocks the light–as solid
As the stones
It seems to be the light itself
That witnesses this flight.
This luminescence shining
From the flowers in the field
Has nothing it must yield
To learned impossibilities
Or sticky sensibilities
The who this is
That fills with soft delight
Is all there is.
I’ve known it since a child.
The other who with edges tight
Has vanished
And will only come to take a seat
When once again demanded
by love and life’s
most irresistible commandments
Before fading
into night.
Ruminations on a Death in the Pyrannees
There he lay
on his back
No breath,
so still.
The chill that spread
To my touch of fingers
on his neck.
Blue around those lips
Which had spoken to us
With such joy,
such anticipation
Of things to come
A friendship just begun
As we’d climbed
With bubbling sense of jubilation
Through dry oak leaves
Along the trail.
The feel of his cold jaws
between my still warm hands
The small face
With eyes
Closed tight
Gazing nowhere.
The smell of morning breath
On such insensate tongue
Such intimacy
With what had become
A rigid object
containing nothing
But what was like the ground
Where he had dropped
That life he had been living
With such spirit
Such flights of choice
Having gone from this place
Of flesh and bones
Of minerals and stone
Freed from bounds
Of cells and voice.
Pressing the chest above a heart
So still
Again, again
Pounding on the door
Of a room
Emptied of all
Its personal effects.
All family photos, letters
Rugby clothes
Lettered tee-shirts, shorts and pants,
Even rumpled bed.
Nothing there to mark
The warmth of all he’d lived
Just empty chambers echoing
With all he‘d sensed
All he’d become
Since first breath
Filled his lungs.
Hearing voices calling out his name
I called out to all I hold within
To bring back the breath
Of this body that had contained
Such spirit, those words that
Promised more to come.
My own breath now
For moments
Came in gasping gulps
Set with tears
And strain.
No answer came.
Just murmured words
and breathing
Of those whose love
Had intertwined with his
And who will still be hearing
Echoes of his name
The Woven Cloth of Love
Long form lying
legs stretched
Waking from
or waking into
Darkness from light
Or into light from dark
Swinging up ( or is it down) gently
Swinging back.
Pulling threads of each place
Into one another
Weaving
Thoughts and dreams
Catching hold of thread ends
from where I’ve been
Into what is seeming now
Until some last part
of that long story
Becomes part of what
I know
And soon
will carry onward
I see my son
At seven, swimming
Towards me
In a deep and winding river
With a dark-skinned friend.
Swimming well, returning
from a first day
At some new children’s camp
To come back to our summer group
In a house on some small lake.
Standing on the forest floor,
Brown leaves beneath my feet
I see now he is trying
to be self-contained
As he sees me on the shore.
He calls to me “The camp is fine!”
As he clambers up the bank;
While I bend
to wrap him in a towel
brought to keep him warm
his friend climbs out with frowning face
to join us, blurting
“But they’re not nice at all!”
With those words, my son’s brown eyes
begin to shine
Unshed tears becoming
moons of light
As his heart swings wide
And he tells me of the disappointments
and the wounds
they have suffered
All day long.
He shivers and I reach down
In the gesture of a mother
Lifting up her son
And he puts his arms around my neck
As I pull him to my chest.
He wraps his thin strong legs around my waist
And I walk with him in warm embrace
His head against my own
His friend holding the fingers of my hand
As he walks close against my side
And my son gently cries and tries his best
Not to be too harsh
With what has caused such pain.
Filled with love and sorrow
I walk along
Until we both dissolve
In mid complaint
And I am left with
All this love and this regret
To weave
As gleaming threads
Into what we call
The day.
Humility
Back to writing. That’s what there is.
So what am I learning?
Humility.
My mind lets so much slip away from it these days, it seems to have lost whatever stickiness it once had. I am barely worthy to be here amidst all this beauty. The humility of being so miserably human, I must watch for the smallest signs of how to move
from the breeze that blows the winter grass.
Oh how I wish for what is done
to be undone
Oh how I yearn for light to come
before the blooming dawn
The light that shows the beauty that surrounds us
The light that shines through all that binds us.
Minds are clouded. Hearts are bound
While all we really need to do
is turn around
And see the face that’s there behind us
Thawing all the ice that binds us.
Loving eyes that melt all blindness
And watch each step with loving kindness.
Its presence is there in every tree
In earth that crumbles down the scree
Its dark, damp fragrance filling me
With such stirring desire to break free
As if I were a sprouting seed
Casting off a leaf of weed
To find the sun from which I feed.
We need. We need
But it’s for each other
That we plead.
It’s for the bleeding
Face before us
Sorrow, fear
In every tear.
Pull her gently
To your breast
There oh there
Is where she’ll rest.
New Year’s Wish
As this old year passes
May peace settle gently
in all of our hearts
and may the virus of love
become a pandemic.
May we shed our anger
And our fear
as the year breathes out
its last breath.
And as the new year comes to greet us
may we find joy in each other
May we play and laugh together
As children
Even as each day
We open any closed door
In that vast space inside us
To feel, at last, the suffering of all
And let our hearts
Truly break.